JEALOUSY, INSECURITY, & ENVY IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jealousy, insecurity and envy aren’t problems in relationships all on their own. The feelings themselves are powerful information sources we can learn from - they can help us deepen relationships with the people we love when used wisely.
The damaging part of jealous emotions stem from the reactive behaviors we employ when insecurity sets in. Here are a few behaviors to look out for:
Being isolated from friendships due to a partner’s insecurity
Assuming or suspecting the worst in situations with other people
Cutting you off from life-giving activities, hobbies, or interests
Checking each other’s phones, social media, email, or locations instead of trusting
Making controlling demands on your behavior
Constant comparison and judgment of other people or seeing them as threats
Not getting enough alone time- always having to be with each other or in touch
Lots of us (myself included) get stuck in jealous thoughts from time to time- but you’re not doomed to continue them forever. Let me help you break the cycle.
It can feel impossible to overcome jealousy, but with help it is possible. Here are the things we work on most to help you feel in control (instead of letting jealousy control you) :
Take ownership of jealousy and your behaviors your own
Clarify the support and boundaries you need - and learn to ask for them
Are in touch with and in control of your body’s reactions to jealousy
Have proactive supports in place to help you mitigate and minimize jealousy
Allow jealousy to flow through you without harming yourself, overwhelming you , or damaging your relationship
If these cound far-fetched with you don’t worry- there are plenty of ways to change the way you respond to jealousy. I can help you. Just call me!
WHAT TO EXPECT WORKING WITH ME ...
WHAT I DON'T DO
Sit and nod - instead, we'll take action. Be forewarned: I've been described as "direct and not-coddling."
Add shame or judgment to your experience (there's already WAY too much of that in the world)
Get stagnant. I will check in to see if this is working- focusing and refocusing on action and change in your life
Collude with your inner critics to let you stay small
Treat you like you're broken (because you're not)
Assume your experience is the same as mine or anyone else's
Pathologize you (I don't treat mental illness, so you won't receive a diagnosis, assessment or treatment for mental health conditions or substance use)
WHAT I DO
Use a strengths-based approach to help you grow
Bring a decade of experience helping hundreds of incredible people deeply connect to themselves and the people they love
Help you listen and communicate effectively, end repetitive argument cycles, and let go of baggage
Use a sex-positive framework and vast sexuality knowledge to fan flames of passion between you
Identify ways to manage intense emotions
Rebuild trust and renew intimacy
Keep momentum and hope alive - even if it's hard for you to feel hopeful
Deeply care about your personal growth and well-being and at the same time hold you accountable to the goals you set for yourself