healthy relationships

50 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER INSTEAD OF "HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"

Allegedly it only takes 36 questions to fall in love with anyone, but once you’re in love, well, it takes maintenance to stay connected for the long-haul.

Couples who share deep connection long-term share one simple secret: curiosity.  Most of us start out with a strong sense of intrigue and are so invested in getting to know each other we'll stay up talking all night. 

You know those silly beginning conversations, "You like broccoli?!? I like broccoli too!  We were meant to be!"  Silly as that example might sound, there's plenty of research that shows just how important enthusiastically engaging in getting to know your partner is for your relationship's longevity.

But once we're together a little while we stop getting curious and start assuming we know everything about our honey.  In our culture, lots of stories tell us it's good to be able to read our partner's mind.  But in reality, assumptions are a total relationship buzzkill. 

Once we're assuming there's no room for growth and no element of surprise or mystery.  And those are two critical ingredients for connection and desire.

Instead of letting the initial curiosity and fascination wane, they keep asking questions and investing in getting to know their sweetheart even when time has passed.  

If you’d like to try this approach out for yourself, here are 50 questions you can try asking instead of “how was your day?” You’ll be able to think of plenty of your own once you get warmed up. 

And if you'd like to get a free set of thirty questions to get to know your partner every month you can sign up right here and I'll send them to you!

50 QUESTIONS TO ASK INSTEAD OF HOW WAS YOUR DAY

  1. What made you laugh today?

  2. Can you tell me about a time when you were kind to someone today?

  3. Were you or anyone you know unkind today? What happened?

  4. Who do you wish you knew better at work?

  5. Who inspires you at work?

  6. What did you read today?

  7. What did you daydream about today?

  8. If we were on vacation today, where would we be?

  9. What did you do that was creative today?

  10. What problems did you solve?

  11. What is the best thing that happened in your day?

  12. Did you help anyone today?

  13. Did you say “thank you” to anyone today?

  14. Who did you have lunch with?

  15. What was the high and the low point of your day?

  16. What was your least favorite part of the day?

  17. Was anyone away today?

  18. Did you feel unsafe at any time?

  19. Did you learn anything that surprised you today?

  20. What’s something that happened that made you think?

  21. What do you know today that you didn’t know yesterday?

  22. What did you find challenging today?

  23. How did someone fill your bucket today?

  24. How did you fill someone else’s bucket?

  25. What are you most proud of from your day?

  26. What are you hoping to accomplish tomorrow?

  27. How would you rate your day from 1 to 10?

  28. How were you brave today?

  29. Where would you like to be more authentic tomorrow?

  30. What questions did you ask in class today?

  31. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

  32. Teach me something I don’t already know.

  33. If you could change something about your day, what would it be?

  34. How would you describe the sort of person you were today?

  35. What made you feel happy?

  36. What made you feel loved?

  37. What made you feel confident?

  38. What made you feel worried?

  39. What would you like to achieve before the holidays?

  40. If you could swap desks with someone, who would you choose and why?

  41. If you could be the boss for a day, what would you teach everyone?

  42. If you were the boss for a day, what rules would you make?

  43. If you could have any job in the world other than yours where would you work? What would you do?

  44. When you were a kid what did you dream your day would be like?

  45. How do you hope your day will be different ten years from now?

  46. How is your day different than it would have been ten years ago?

  47. What is your five year professional development plan?

  48. What would you do with one more free hour in each working day?

  49. How could I be of support to you in your daily life?

  50. Is there anything I could do to make your day easier?


relationships cpach | positive psychology and relationships | happy relationships

Gina Senarighi, MA, MS, CPC is a retired couples counselor and sex therapist, now full-time retreat coach, workshop facilitator, and author.  Her twenty years working in communication and positive psychology she has transformed diverse relationships across the country. 

Her uniquely non-judgmental, inclusive approach to couples work puts even the most concerned participants at ease.  She's not your average sit-and-nod supporter- she'll hold hope even when it's hard and always help you grow.

Call for a consultation to see how she can help you deepen connection, communicate effectively, and passionately reignite your relationship.

End of Year Reflection for Couples: Review Your Strengths

The turn of the year is a beautiful time for reflection. 

Having an annual pause for reflection helps us identify where we want to grow and how we want to change in the coming year.  

We reflect on our year and set personal resolutions for a better year to come.

Yet few of us use this awareness review and renew with our partner.  Give your love the attention it deserves, start a new awareness practice this season.  

Download this totally free 4-Part Annual Relationship Renewal Series and you'll get my simple process to reconnect with meaning and transform your partnership with intention as the year turns. 
 


PART 1: REFLECTION & RENEWAL

The end of the year is my favorite time for reflection and review.  We look back to help us move forward.  I'm honored you decided to download the reflection tools I've offered to help you and someone you love grow closer as the year draws to a close.

Click the image below to download Part 1 of the Annual Relationship Renewal Series and begin reflecting on your year's successes and growth together.

A Month of Kindness for Couples

So many incredible couples reach out to me to help them reconnect with each other.  While there are lots of ways to get there, starting on the path of reconnection can be easier than you think.

The biggest challenge is shifting your patterns to take tiny daily actions that move you towards more meaningful connection in the smallest of ways.  Most long-term couples need a reminder and a serious commitment to change in order to re-establish these smallest connections.  

So I created a little calendar to help you two commit to daily action.  Click the image to download a copy to give it a try this month.  

As always, if you'd like help nurturing the connection between you, I'm happy to support you. Give me a call. 

Four Great Articles on Boundaries in Relationships

Every week I read (often saving and re-reading) great materials from others about healthy relationships and strong relationship boundaries.  Here's a quick list of four of my all-time favorites.

Six Steps to Setting Boundaries in Relationships by Jennifer Twardowski

For all of you wanting a step-by-step guide to making boundaries work this is the basic primer for you.  Jennifer spells it out in six easy steps to get clear and ask for what you need.

Healthy Relationships: Setting Boundaries from Love is Respect

Love is respect is FULL of great resources on healthy relationships.  I strongly recommend checking out just about everything on their site.  If you want one easy to read starting place this article is great for outlining the kinds of spaces to consider boundaries (in-person and online in particular).  Start here and then use the rest of their site to dive deeper in relationship 101. 

How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 3 Critical First Stepsfrom Tiny Buddha

Tiny Buddha is always a great resource for personal narratives and self-reflection.  I love this post because it outlines three great ways to get clear internally and do a little self-assessment when considering boundaries with other people.

Boundaries in Relationships from Life Esteem

Life esteem may not be the prettiest site out there, but for all of you wondering why setting boundaries is so dang hard, this article literally spells it out.  If you keep wondering why boundaries are tripping you up, there might be some useful tips in here.

If you want help setting and maintaining boundaries that work for you in relationships give me a call for a free consultation.  I'm happy to support you in creating healthy boundaries that work for you and your loved ones.


positive psychology | life coach | relationship coach | couples coach | couples retreats

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC has helped thousands of couples review their growth together, and renew their connection moving forward. 

For nearly 15 years she's specialized in strengths-focused, positive psychology-based relationship advice and coaching to nurture lasting joy and and resilience in her client's relationships.  

She will help you:

  • develop a shared vision and goals- and create actionable steps to move in that direction
  • overcome outdated patterns and establish new intentional, healthy ones
  • strengthen trust or repair it after infidelity or dishonesty
  • connect in meaningful ways during and well after life transitions
  • design rituals of connection that will keep you close for many years
  • break stale or unhealthy communication patterns and learn new skills 

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.

Nine Simple Ways to Build Closer Relationships

Staying in love long-term takes intentional action every day.  It doesn't have to take a lot of work, but by keeping these things in mind you'll be a dream partner to your sweetie.

Apologize

Strong relationships are based on trust and accountability.  Being a great partner means owning when you've hurt someone, taking accountability, and moving forward.  Try apologizing with more clarity next time (here are a few tips).

Breathe Before Responding

Most conflicts could be resolved if we just slowed down and thought things through before reacting.  Take a breath before you respond from now moving forward and notice what shifts between you.

Take Care of Yourself

If you aren't taking care of yourself you can't properly take care of your love.  Period.  Prioritize your self-care as a means to nourish your relationship.  

Make Their Day

Stop and ask yourself, what one thing might brighten my sweetie's day- and then do it.  Maybe it's a love note, a clean house, or a special song no matter what it is we all like to enjoy a special treat once in a while.  Surprise them with something new.

Show Affection

Not all communication is verbal- having strong kinesthetic communication strengthens relationships too.  Ask your partner what their favorite kind of affection is, and then follow up by doing it.  

Think Kind Thoughts

Resentment likes to build up even without our partners' help.  Notice when you start dwelling on negative thoughts, criticisms, or complaints you have about your partner and force yourself to think nice thoughts for each negative thought you're holding.

Consider their POV

When you're in conflict make sure you take your partner's feelings and ideas into consideration.  It's going to be very difficult to move forward until you do.

Compliment Them

Often as a relationship grows we forget to tell our partner the things we love about them- specifically, in person, and with words.  Take the five seconds to nourish your relationship right now- just tell them why you love them.

Share Gratitude Openly

Strong couples share genuine appreciation and gratitude regularly.  Start a daily gratitude practice and share something you're grateful for to help you stay close.

I hope these suggestions help you create a partnership you love.  Here's a version you can print for your fridge if you want a little hanging reminder to help you get into strong practices that nurture your relationship.


positive psychology | love coach | relationship coach | couples coach | couples retreat

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC has helped thousands of couples review their growth together, and renew their connection moving forward. 

For nearly 15 years she's specialized in strengths-focused, positive psychology-based relationship advice and coaching to nurture lasting joy and and resilience in her client's relationships.  

She will help you:

  • develop a shared vision and goals- and create actionable steps to move in that direction
  • overcome outdated patterns and establish new intentional, healthy ones
  • strengthen trust or repair it after infidelity or dishonesty
  • connect in meaningful ways during and well after life transitions
  • design rituals of connection that will keep you close for many years
  • break stale or unhealthy communication patterns and learn new skills 

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.