Allegedly it only takes 36 questions to fall in love with anyone, but once you’re in love, well, it takes maintenance to stay connected for the long-haul.

Couples who share deep connection long-term share one simple secret: curiosity.  Most of us start out with a strong sense of intrigue and are so invested in getting to know each other we'll stay up talking all night. 

You know those silly beginning conversations, "You like broccoli?!? I like broccoli too!  We were meant to be!"  Silly as that example might sound, there's plenty of research that shows just how important enthusiastically engaging in getting to know your partner is for your relationship's longevity.

But once we're together a little while we stop getting curious and start assuming we know everything about our honey.  In our culture, lots of stories tell us it's good to be able to read our partner's mind.  But in reality, assumptions are a total relationship buzzkill. 

Once we're assuming there's no room for growth and no element of surprise or mystery.  And those are two critical ingredients for connection and desire.

Instead of letting the initial curiosity and fascination wane, they keep asking questions and investing in getting to know their sweetheart even when time has passed.  

If you’d like to try this approach out for yourself, here are 50 questions you can try asking instead of “how was your day?” You’ll be able to think of plenty of your own once you get warmed up. 

And if you'd like to get a free set of thirty questions to get to know your partner every month you can sign up right here and I'll send them to you!


  1. What made you laugh today?

  2. Can you tell me about a time when you were kind to someone today?

  3. Were you or anyone you know unkind today? What happened?

  4. Who do you wish you knew better at work?

  5. Who inspires you at work?

  6. What did you read today?

  7. What did you daydream about today?

  8. If we were on vacation today, where would we be?

  9. What did you do that was creative today?

  10. What problems did you solve?

  11. What is the best thing that happened in your day?

  12. Did you help anyone today?

  13. Did you say “thank you” to anyone today?

  14. Who did you have lunch with?

  15. What was the high and the low point of your day?

  16. What was your least favorite part of the day?

  17. Was anyone away today?

  18. Did you feel unsafe at any time?

  19. Did you learn anything that surprised you today?

  20. What’s something that happened that made you think?

  21. What do you know today that you didn’t know yesterday?

  22. What did you find challenging today?

  23. How did someone fill your bucket today?

  24. How did you fill someone else’s bucket?

  25. What are you most proud of from your day?

  26. What are you hoping to accomplish tomorrow?

  27. How would you rate your day from 1 to 10?

  28. How were you brave today?

  29. Where would you like to be more authentic tomorrow?

  30. What questions did you ask in class today?

  31. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

  32. Teach me something I don’t already know.

  33. If you could change something about your day, what would it be?

  34. How would you describe the sort of person you were today?

  35. What made you feel happy?

  36. What made you feel loved?

  37. What made you feel confident?

  38. What made you feel worried?

  39. What would you like to achieve before the holidays?

  40. If you could swap desks with someone, who would you choose and why?

  41. If you could be the boss for a day, what would you teach everyone?

  42. If you were the boss for a day, what rules would you make?

  43. If you could have any job in the world other than yours where would you work? What would you do?

  44. When you were a kid what did you dream your day would be like?

  45. How do you hope your day will be different ten years from now?

  46. How is your day different than it would have been ten years ago?

  47. What is your five year professional development plan?

  48. What would you do with one more free hour in each working day?

  49. How could I be of support to you in your daily life?

  50. Is there anything I could do to make your day easier?

relationships cpach | positive psychology and relationships | happy relationships

Gina Senarighi, MA, MS, CPC is a retired couples counselor and sex therapist, now full-time retreat coach, workshop facilitator, and author.  Her twenty years working in communication and positive psychology she has transformed diverse relationships across the country. 

Her uniquely non-judgmental, inclusive approach to couples work puts even the most concerned participants at ease.  She's not your average sit-and-nod supporter- she'll hold hope even when it's hard and always help you grow.

Call for a consultation to see how she can help you deepen connection, communicate effectively, and passionately reignite your relationship.

50 Free and Cheap Super Dates in Portland

Keeping the romance alive can be easier than you might think.  Portland (and the areas close-by) is completely FILLED with great date opportunities for you and your sweetie to reconnect and adventure.  

Here's a list of 50 free summer date ideas (and around) in Portland this summer:

Soak together

There are TONS of incredible hot springs near Portland and across the state.  Hike in and soak with your special someone!  Here's a great list with a map!

Eat local

If you're a foodie you know Portland is a great place to eat.  But the summer produce from local farmers makes it even better for food-inspired folks.  Go to any of the farmer's markets to taste or challenge yourself to see new parts of town by attending all the markets on this map this summer.

Watch a movie

Portland parks shows free movies all over the city three and four nights a week.  Bring a blanket and your favorite movie snacks and watch a silly show with your neighbors.  Here's the whole list.

You can also attend the rooftop movies at Hotel DeLuxfor a more grown up movie night.

Go swimming

There are over 6000 lakes in Oregon.  Start with a visit to any of the lakes on this list of 60 great summer swimming spots!

You can also attend the Chunky Dunk, or Naked Goddess Swim, if that floats your boat.

Picnic in the parks

One of my creative couples started checking off a list of every park in Portland last summer.  Their goal?  Visit every park with a picnic basket.  There are 279 parks in town- so this adventure list could keep you busy for a while!

Attend the symphony

Oregon Symphony puts on a show at Tom McCall Waterfront park for 20,000 Portlanders every summer.  You should check it out.  Here's the deets.

The Portland Festival Symphony puts on five additional shows in various parks throughout the city.  Check out the listing here.

River Festival

Free music and performances at the gorgeous Cathedral Park.  Come dance with your sweetie and celebrate how beautiful the Willamette is!

Eat some berries

Oregon overflows with berries in the summer and there are a lot of fun ways to eat them.  Attend the berry festival, go to u-pick farms near town, or wander one of the great berry picking spots off trails with your honey.


Oregon is one of the best places to beach comb around.  Head to the coast at any of these spots to find agates, jasper, shells and more.

Street Fairs

I cannot believe how many neighborhood street fairs happen in Portland.  It seems like there's one every weekend.  If you've missed the early ones this summer don't worry you can still check out any of these:

Clinton/Division Street Fair

Fremont Fest Street Fair

Mississippi Street Fair

Soapbox Derby

Yes, Portland is home to an annual Adult Soapbox Derby, and if you get there early enough you can watch other adults zoom past- narrowly avoiding fate with hundreds of other onlookers.

Dessert date

Pix patisserie hosts Wednesday beer garden movie nights with free popcorn all summer.  Get something sweet for your sweetie.

Vegas in Portland

Tony Starlight is Portland's best answer to the glory of old Las Vegas.  You can pay for a show throughout the year, or attend the free Fernhill Park show this July.

Support state parks

My partner and I started this adventure list a while ago and it has given us so many beautiful days.  Support the state parks by hiking, camping, fishing, riding through or cleaning up any of the parks listed here.

Concert lunch date

Pioneer Square hosts noon concerts all summer.  Meet your sweetie for a nooner lunch date and check out the show.

Mermaid Parade

Either attend or dress yourselves up (or both) for the mermaid parade this year.  That simple- Mermaid pride!

Smell the roses

If you're into flowers- but not able to buy them consider a trip to the rose garden.  There are thousands of flowers for you and your sweetheart to choose favorites from.  

Obon Festival

The Oregon Buddhist Temple shares a traditional Japanese holiday with Portland each year.  Bring your sweetie and try something different.

See some art

Portland is such a great city for artists.  You can support art in every neighborhood.  Attend Last Thursday on Alberta, or First Thursday in the Pearl.  Or go to one of the free days at the Portland Art Museum.

Fossil Festival

Attend the Northwests Largest Fossil Festival and geek out together over the incredible diversity of rocks, gemstones, and fossils found in our home state.

Go for a ride

Portland Parkways is a program held by Portland Parks and Rec every year to quiet a neighborhood and give space for pedal-powered riders.  Bring your bike and a lunch and watch a zillion toddlers learn to pedal.  

Float the river

There are so many ways to float the rivers in and near portland.  You could attend the Big Float in town or head outside the city to float the Clackamas or the Sandy River.

India Festival

Celebrate Indian cultural heritage with other Portlanders at Pioneer Park- it's totally free.  

Nude not lewd

If your relationship is ready for public nudity, there are two clothing-optional beaches near Portland, Collins on Sauvies and Rooster Rock.  Both have cheap day-use fees ($5 and $7 respectively) so you can really soak in the sun.

Highland Games

Okay, it's not free- but it sounded so fun I had to include it.  Attend the Scottish Highland Games in Greshambecause it's that fun.

Take a hike

Oregon is arguably the most beautiful state to live in.  Get outside together to enjoy the beauty!  Here's a list of 75 awesome day hikes in driving distance of Portland.

positive psychology | couples retreat | relationship coach | couples coach

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC has helped thousands of couples review their growth together, and renew their connection moving forward. 

For nearly 15 years she's specialized in strengths-focused, positive psychology-based relationship advice and coaching to nurture lasting joy and and resilience in her client's relationships.  

She will help you:

  • develop a shared vision and goals- and create actionable steps to move in that direction
  • overcome outdated patterns and establish new intentional, healthy ones
  • strengthen trust or repair it after infidelity or dishonesty
  • connect in meaningful ways during and well after life transitions
  • design rituals of connection that will keep you close for many years
  • break stale or unhealthy communication patterns and learn new skills 

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.